Voldemorts top secret, very evil plans
by OrlandoRoKsMYworld
Summary: Voldie decides to wreck lily and james honeymoon
1. Default Chapter

Hey this is my first fanfic so be merciful If you review! By the way I own all of them! I own everything! Hahahahha!!! *5 minutes later* (Looks back. Is running from stampede of angry lawyers.) Okay! Okay! I own NOTHING!  
  
Chapter One; Very evil plans Voldemort was sleeping under his Chudley Cannons comforter when he smelled something. No it couldn't be. Snape had made pancakes! He ran downstairs to find all the death eaters dressed in their tall dark cloaks sitting around the table with a huge stack of pancakes. They all looked up. Lestrange mumbled through a mouthful of pancake, "Sup' Voldie?" He grinned evilly. He had plans for today, big plans. Whipping out his wand he conjured up a doodle board and started writing. "Okay so I've heard a rumor that Dumbledore's little friends Lily and James are getting married. Now obviously this is a problem." Wormtail butted in and squeaked, "What's the problem with them getting married?" Voldie glared at him then grinned. "Well of course it's a problem! We haven't bought them a gift yet! Now I was thinking we could just kidnap Martha Stewart, maybe an imperius curse." All the death eaters gasped, Snape started smacking himself in the head with the frying pan, and Wormtail again squeaked, "But m'lord! Their wedding was last night!" Voldemort glared at him then stuttered, "T-they d- didn't invite m-me!?!?" He pondered this for a moment then whispered, "Yes.yes that will work. most definitely." He clapped his hands together then exclaimed, "I'll just wreck their honeymoon! YES! IT'S PERFECT!" The death eaters all nodded in agreement, especially Snape (Yes! Now he could finally kill James! Yay!). Voldemort grinned. Excellent.  
  
Okay I need to remind you to be merciful! This is my first fanfic! By the way do you hear a little voice inside your head that is saying, "Review.REVIEW!"? Well listen to it. Thanx! 


	2. Chapter 2:Voldies Bday

Hola. *sniff* only 1 review(grr and it was a flame 2) . I'm disappointed. Okay I don't own anything. Voldie: not mine, Snape: not mine, everything else you recognize: not mine. Anyways make sure to review! Thanx.  
  
Chapter 2: Voldie's Birthday, Yay!  
  
Peter tiptoed across the floor as quickly as he could. When he reached Voldemort's bed he gave the signal. One, two, three. "SURPRISE!!!" all the death eaters shouted. Voldemort sat straight up and grabbing his wand out from his Carebears PJ's. He screamed, "CRUCIO! CRUCIO! CRUCIO!" at random directions. When he stopped freaking out he realized that they were throwing him a surprise birthday party. (Readers: Awww! How cute!) The room was decorated with black and green balloons and all the death eaters had party hats on over their hoods. After Avery and Goyle stopped screaming from the Crutacious curse, Voldemort clapped his hands together and with a little yelp of glee he shouted, "Accio presents!". Immediately various boxes flew into the room and landed softly in a heap at the front of his bed. Voldemort took the largest one and started ripping off the wrapping paper before reading the card! Voldie: Hey wait a second! I can do that because I'm evil so HA!. Anyways. He opened it up to find a laptop computer. Macnair stepped forewards and exclaimed, "I thought it might be useful for spying on the Potters since they will be staying at a muggle hotel. Plus it has pinball!" Voldemort smiled then said, "Thank you. Excellent." Next he opened Lucius present. It was a large book by Salazar Slytherin titled, So you want to take over the world and hate muggles? As well as a huge crate of chocolate frogs. (Voldie: Brilliant! I'm still missing Circe from my collection!) Bellatrix (Aaaarghh!!! I hate her! She killed Sirius!) stepped foreward and gave him a big purple bag. Inside was a new set of hooded robes trimmed with green velvet. "Erm..Thanks.", Voldemort muttered. He also received a pint of dragons blood, a snake that he named Nagini, a nice new set of phoenix feather quills, and finally all that was left was a small box. He reached for it tentatively only to jump up in surprise. It was making an odd ringing noise! When he took it out of the box he discovered that it was a cell phone. "What the bloody hell is this?!?" He screamed. Peter stepped foreward and explained that it was a muggle communication tool. He thought it might be useful so that they could communicate without attracting attention. Voldie began to complement Peter but before he could say anything Nott came in the room and shouted "Who wants caaake?!?". They started to eat it as they plotted their evil scheme and laughed. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Okay for anyone that is concerned about my mental stability I assure you that I am not on drugs. I am only high off soda okay? Now if you want a surprise click the little blue button on the left, Nooo your other left, that's right and review! 


	3. Computers, Planes, and Paperclips Oh My!

OMG!!! Thank you sooo much for the reviews *little tear. Sniff* you have no idea how good they can make someone feel! By the way I do not own anyone that you recognize. They all belong to the wonderful JK Rowling. R&R!  
  
Chapter 3: Computers, Paperclips, and planes! Oh my! Voldemort woke up yet again feeling particularly vindictive. He summoned all the death eaters to his side (went sorta like this: "GET OVER HERE YOU LAZY BUMS!!!") and proceeded to try out his new computer. First he tried to type an email. A second after he had opened up the program he screamed, "What the heck is that! IT'S staring at me!" All of the death eaters took out their wands and hurried to their master's side to find. THAT ANNOYING MICROSOFT PAPERCLIP!!! A little speech bubble had opened up next to it and it was labeled, "Ask me a question". Voldemort pondered what to write while the death eaters all shouted out suggestions. "Ask it how this works!", "Ask it why it's staring at us!", "Ask what its name is!", "Ask if it's single!" they shouted. (OMG my English teacher would hang me by my toenails if she knew that I wrote that sentence. *shudders*) Meanwhile the paperclip was bouncing around happily on the screen. Voldemort typed in, "Are you on my side or Dumbledore's!?". Suddenly little boxes popped up all over the screen reading "Malfunction!". The horror! Every time Voldie x-ed out of a box another would reappear. BOOM! Voldemort had freaked out and jinxed the computer, sending it flying into Goyle who slammed into Voldie's teacup collection. After Voldie had recovered from that traumatizing event he shouted, "Repairo!" and all the little shards of wire and plastic flew back together. He glanced at Goyle who was still out cold. Snape noticed this and added, "Maybe we should just unplug it next time.", however Voldemort wasn't listening and he had already reached Yahoo! travel. He opened up the file that belonged to Lily and James to find that they had booked a stay in Florida (Voldie: Woohoo! I'm going to Disneyworld!) for a week. He also noticed that holy shnikes!(spelled wrong. I know) They're plane was scheduled to leave tonight! He quickly bought 15 tickets in coach ( Peter: Awww. I wana go first class.). Excellent the plan was going perfectly. Mwhahahahahahha!!!  
  
Okay that might've been a little short but I *promise* that I'll write a long chapter after this. Kk? Now, your getting diiizzzzzzyyy. Thee woorrdsss on thhhhisssssss paaaageee arrrrre swwwirrrrrrliing nooow goooo annndddd rreeeeeevvvieeeeewww. 


	4. Chapter 4:Voldie and the strange muggle ...

I feel so loved! Thanks for all the reviews! By the way everything that you recognize is mine. (Ducks flying lawsuits). Just Kidding! They all belong to JKR and various other people that are way more important than me.  
  
Chapter 4: Voldemort and the strange muggle transportation vehicles.  
  
"HURRY UP!", Voldemort screamed as the death eaters brought their luggage down the escalator. Voldie was already in line for the security check and they were already being eyed by the security officers. They considered seeing 16 adults wearing long black robes and hoods a bad sign. By the time Voldie reached the screeners the others had gotten in line. He cautiously walked through the device only to jump up in surprise a second later when an alarm was set off. The security guards explained that he must have been carrying some sort of metal object. He emptied his pockets and the guards looked at him strangely while he muttered, "Bloody muggles.grr.why do they always suspect me?" Meanwhile the screeners were baffled at his luggage. It appeared that this psycho was carrying a piece of wood, a heavy cooking pot, and a ton of robes. Meanwhile Voldie finally got through the doorway on his 19th try and had to grab his luggage. Tapping his food impatiently he waited for the other death eaters to get through the door. Lucius was the first and Voldie noticed that he was eying the muggles with intense distaste. "Just a jelly-legs-jinx? Or maybe a little engorgement charm?", He pleaded. Voldie considered how the guard would react to a pair of clown feet then shook his head no. By the time they reached the corridor that the plane was leaving at they had broken into a full sprint. (Voldie: I told you we shouldn't have stopped at all those gift shops!) When they reached the gate a smiling ticket lady told them to go through to the plane. After finding their seats the death eaters pointed out the magazines and barf bags. Bellatrix gasped when the snack tray slammed down on her hand and received several stares after she stuttered, "S-stupid m-muggle contraptions.". Suddenly a voice came from the front of the plane, "Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Today's flight will be going to Miami Dade Airport. We expect an early arrival at around 10:13. Please make sure that all baggage is stored in the overhead bins or beneath the seats. If you will look up you will notice a compartment directly overhead. If we have a problem air masks will drop down. Notice that there are exits on both sides and that the.". At this point no one was listening to the stewardess and the death eaters were trying to find out how this contraption was going to actually go anywhere. A little while after takeoff the stewardess came around asking what they wanted to drink and handed out those little bags of peanuts.(Yummy.) About halfway through the flight Voldie decided to go to the bathroom he tried getting up but the seats in front of them were leaned back all the way. "Imperius!", he muttered and instantly the seats swung forward. He then went to the back to try and find the bathroom. One was open so he went in. On his way back his giant cape got caught in the doorway, three chairs, and finally the wheels of that drink lady's cart. (Snape: Why didn't we just apparate there?) (Fanfic Author: .. Because I said so.Now shut up.)  
  
Okay, please R&R!  
  
P.S. : Lol ya soda can get you hyper really quick. Try pixie stix too. P.P.S:I wonder how many chapters I could finish if I had a bag of pixie stixs and some pepsi.*evil grin* 


	5. Chapter 5: Can you really be evil in the...

Okay guys! I'm baaaaaaaccckkk!!! That break when the server was down for  
fanfiction.net was scary *shudders* but at least it's back up now. I would  
like to say thanks to all of my loyal reviewers, Bella trix, George is hot-  
Mrs.Moony, edgy wedgy, Good Old Malfoy, Mere Elfin Snape, Alriadne,  
Slytherin Insanity, Mr. Padfoot, and Buffy 1011990. You have no idea how  
helpful your reviews have been to me (Okay, so you might if you've ever  
written a fanfic for the first time). It might be a while before I write  
some more since right now I'm writing a fluffy little ficlet about Lily and  
James and a few other stories so wish me luck with those! :) BTW hope you  
enjoy this! Disneyland, Motels, and much, much more! I am sad to say that I  
am not creative enough and I can't afford a good enough lawyer to say that  
the characters in this story belong to me.*sigh*. They all belong to the  
smart, talented writer Joanne K. Rowling. Some belongs to Disney too. The  
first person to review this chapter and tell me what the K in JKR stands  
for can e-me the name of ANY character in LOTR, HP, or Charlie's angels and  
I'll work them into the next chapter! R&R!  
Chapter 5: Can you really be evil in the happiest place on earth?  
Lily and James were sitting together on the plane, Lily's head was gently  
resting on James' shoulder, and James' head was pressed against the window.  
Voldemort looked at them with disgust. It was weak. Pathetic. Revolting. He  
frowned slightly and then glanced back out the window before staring at the  
young couple again. Peter noticed who he was staring at and whispered, "I  
know it's disgusting, but hey, If we just keep our distance while doing  
this we might be able to avoid their cooties." Voldemort smacked Peter in  
the head and hissed vehemently, "No you fool! I'm just revolted by them.  
When will people learn that love and feelings are worthless!" His words  
ringed around the cabin and several people were staring at him. He leaned  
back in his seat and grumbled to himself, "Completely worthless.weak."  
************************************************************************When  
the death eaters finally left the plane they grabbed some cappuccinos and  
tried to look at a map. Dolahov, one of the slower deatheaters was  
perplexed by the little dot that said "You are here", and muttered out  
loud, "How can we be there if we are here?" Bellatrix and Narcissa were  
busy booking rooms in a hotel and proceeded to get a room with an in-suite  
Jacuzzi before Voldie could stop them and point out that the most they  
could afford was a Motel 6. Voldemort however was busy with some plans of  
his own..  
"Hey! How about we go to the beach tomorrow? Huh Lily?", asked an even-more-  
messy- haired-than-normal James(Don't cha hate when that happens after a 12  
hr. plane flight?). Lily shook her head and exclaimed, "No way. We're going  
to Disneyworld first thing tomorrow." When she saw James looking at her  
with puppy dog eyes(Or at least what he thought were puppy dog eyes) she  
quickly added, "Er.But we can go to the beach on Tuesday." Then stood up on  
tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. He grinned then heard a muffled  
noise..  
Voldie was crouched behind a trashcan listening to Lily and James'  
conversation and laughing shrilly. "HEY WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING  
HERE!?!" James roared while Voldemort ducked behind a potted plant and  
jumped onto one of those luggage trams while giggling madly. Sadly the  
thing was so freakin slow that James was able to walk right next to him.  
(Some getaway, huh?). Voldie frowned, then with a sharp crack apparated to  
the motel where the death eaters had already arrived.  
************************************************************************"Whe  
eee!" yelled Crabbe as he bounced on the squishy mattress and landed  
against the headboard, ergo knocking himself out. Lucius sighed,  
"Ennerverate. Crabbe! That's the fifth time tonight!" Meanwhile Rookwood  
and the Lestranges were watching Scooby Doo since they had no clue how to  
work the remote. "I don't get how that's funny. The muggle just eats a  
sandwich." Bellatrix muttered then stopped when she saw her husband doubled  
over in laughter. She decided to join Narcissa who was unpacking everything  
and trying to fit it into the closets. Meanwhile Snape was trying to get a  
wake up call on the ancient yellow phone, "I said 5 o'clock A.M.!", he  
roared while the teenager at the desk answered, "You want a drink on the  
rocks and a pen!?...". Snape made a note to himself to jinx the pimply teen  
when they left. Voldemort clapped his hands together and yelled, "I have  
important news. As you know this mission is vital to my plans." Snape  
interrupted, "What plans!? I thought you just wanted to take over the world  
and get rid of all the muggles!". "Crucio! Now as I was saying this will be  
an important mission. Tomorrow we follow the Potters to. Disneyworld!",  
Voldie exclaimed, with extra emphasis on the last word. All of the  
Deatheaters exclaimed "Yeah!" and "Woohoo!". Bellatrix and Narcissa gave  
each other high-fives. Snape started smacking his head against the wall.  
"Whoa! How much did you say that tickets cost!?", Macnair shouted at the  
freaked out vendor. Why were they wearing those giant black robes? She  
thought. Then it hit her. Yes. They were those people that work in the park  
and dress up as characters. Though she had no clue who they would be.Maybe  
the seven dwarfs, and a few extras gone gothic. But anyhow she needed to  
stand her ground. "Tickets are $40 each for the fifth time, now are you  
buying any?" Macnair grudgingly paid for the tickets and went through the  
gates. "Hehehe!" Voldie exclaimed. "Now we split up. Macnair, Avery, Nott,  
you go to the Buzz Lightyear ride and the rest of future land. Narcissa,  
Lucius, Dolahov, go to Safari land and go on the Indiana Jones ride.  
Bellatrix, Rodolphus, and Me will go on the Casey Jr., and Snape, Crabbe,  
Goyle, since you cut me off last night I will make you go on. Small world!  
Mwahahahaha!" Snape screamed.  
Meanwhile Lily and James were on the Alice and Wonderland ride. James was  
pureblood so he was completely confused. "I don't get it. Why does it  
matter if it was all a dream? Did those mushrooms have engorgement charms  
on them? And why the heck was that caterpillar on drugs!? I thought this  
was a kid's park!" They went to the Mad Hatters next and bought a pair of  
mouse ears. This led to a discussion of the best way to get kicked out of  
the park. Lily: "Start snogging the little mermaid!" James: "Try to pop  
Goofy's bounce house!" Lily: "Wear mouse ears!" James: " .?" Lily: ".and  
nothing else!" James grinned, "I like that one best! Wanna try it?" Lily  
smiled, "No. But you can."  
Okay, that was a little short but I promise there will be more later! If  
this came out as one big block of text then I am really sorry but my  
computer is screwed up. Now I know that I can't force you to review but  
please do it.. "IMPERIO!!! MWAHAHAAHA! I command you to review! Review!  
Review!" Okay forget about that spasm. Just pleeeaaaasssseeee review! BTW:  
darn. I couldn't get a hold of any pixie stixs (Why does my mom think that  
getting them is a dangerous idea? *smiles innocently*) but I did manage to  
get half a pack of twizzlers! Be afraid. Be very afraid. :) 


	6. Chapter 6: Back to Mouseland

*Sniff* Awww. No one mentioned what the K. in JKR stands for yet so I am going to work in Legolas(since I think that Orlando Bloom is hot and I am the author and I have the power to do so even if the power has gone to my head which it hasn't) *English teacher tries to keep from strangling me* Okaaaaaaaaaaay. So now I'm back with the 6th chapter. I might be a little slow w/ this since I'm currently writing four or five other stories, mainly lily and james, and I also have school starting soon. Thanks to all the people who reviewed! I luv ya'll!(Hey, I'm from Texas. It happens.) JKR owns all of the characters and the theme, Disneyworld does too, and I guess that Legolas isn't mine... though I wish he was... Okay so ha! You can't sue me!!! Note to readers: PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!!! Again, sorry for the whole text blob thing. Chapter 6: Back to mouseland!  
  
Snape tried hard not to scream as he walked through the silent corridor of the Polynesian Inn, fumbling with the plastic ice bucket and glancing over his shoulder every now and then. When he was sure that no one else was in the hallway he tiptoed over to the door of room 315 and pressed his ear against the door. ".So do you want to go to the beach tomorrow? James? Jaaammes?", "Huh?", "James! Snap out of it and answer me. Do you want to go to the beach tomorrow?", "Yeesh. You're already nagging me. Just kidding! Kidding! Er.Actually I thought we could go to Disneyworld again then to the beach after that.", "Hmmm. Okay." Snape yawned. This could quite possibly be the most boring job ever. So much for the action and danger in spy work. Then he heard James whisper something and Lily giggled. Something, or things, flumped against the mattress and Lily muttered, "Ohh. That feels goood.", "So.do you want to?". Snape ran as fast as he could to the ice machine, trying not to hurl.  
  
Lily sighed as she staggered into the brightly lit room. Walking through a theme park all day could be exhausting. She glanced at James when he yawned and asked, "So.Do you want to go to the beach tomorrow? James? Jaammes?". James was slumped in a pappisan chair, trying hard not to doze off, "Huh?", He replied. Lily groaned, "James! Snap out of it and answer me. Do you want to got to the beach tomorrow?", James paused for a second then, said in tones of mock annoyance, "Yeesh. You're already nagging me." Then he saw Lily shooting him one of her death-glares and quickly added in, "Just kidding. Kidding. Er.Actually I thought that we could go to Disneyworld again then to the beach after that." Lily raised her eyebrows in suspicion then replied, 'Hmmm. Okay." James muttered jokingly , "So what do I get If I really do go in only mouse ears?" Lily giggled then flumped down on the bed with her giant suitcase. "Ohhh..That feels goood." she sighed. It was heaven after waiting in lines, walking around, and going on rides all day. James stared at the ceiling, and for the sake of conversation said, "So.Do you want to?" Lily shot him a puzzled look then asked, "You're serious about the mouse ears thing!?" Realizing his mistake he continued, "No. I meant do you want to go to the beach on Wednesday?" Lily gave a sigh of relief, "Sure.Yeah. You know what how about we go downstairs and get some brochures right now." (A/N: Hehehe! Sorry but they're smart enough to not streak in Mouseland!) (Readers: Awww! You ruined everything!) (A/N: Don't worry. I have enough random things coming up later to rival Malcom in the Middle.) (Lawyers/Note: Hey you don't own any part of that show! Let's sue!!!) (A/N: *Screams* Oops! I don't own anything!!!) Okaaaaaay back to Voldie.  
  
The next day Voldie was using a spell to make all the cloaks a little more colorful. Black was boring, but it did stand out in Florida. Not to mention how freakin' hot it got here even without black. He shuddered as he remembered the guest services lady. Lady: Oh my goodness, hun you'll just love the weather here! It rains every day, but its just a light sprinkle, and it's always sunny! Voldie: Hmm. Sounds okay. *end of conversation* That was before he found out that sunny all the time equals burning hot all the time. Not to mention that the rain came down hot and rose up from the streets in steam. Just then Snape walked in and whispered, "M'lord. Lily and James are going to the beach on Wednesday.We could always have then "accidentally" attacked by jellyfish or something." Voldemort smiled then hissed, "No. I have a plan for then that is much more evil." Then he turned to Snape. "Now I need to wake the other deatheaters up but my throats a little dry. CRUCIO!" Snape screamed and they all woke up.  
  
Voldie was with Bellatrix (BTW thanx soo much to bella trix for being such a loyal reviwer. Even though for Third Times a Charm *shamelessly promotes new story* I think I'd rather have Lily kick Lucius' bum. *evil grin*) on the dumbo ride and they were arguing over the controls. "Higher! We need to go higher and faster!" Bellatrix shouted. Voldie winced as they rose to thirty feet in the air and screamed, "LOWER! I COMAND YOU! LOWER!" All of the little kids were way above them already and now they were staring at him with confused expressions. Voldie was already upset since a five year old had beaten him to the green elephant and now he was stuck with purple. When they were off the ride Bellatrix exclaimed, "Whoa. What is your problem with heights?" Then they headed towards Mount Matterhorn where Lily and James were already in line. Voldie smiled then, with a flick of his wand, everyone behind Lily and James left for other rides. Voldie and Bellatrix had the cart behind Lily and James. As they sped through the tunnel Voldie whispered a spell that brought the hairy white monster thing to life. He giggled madly as it headed towards Lily and James' cart but when they sped past it before it could grab them it turned towards Voldie. *half an hour later* Voldie was very upset. He had been mobbed by a bunch of little kids thinking that he was the evil queen in snow white, (Voldie: WHAT!? I am lord Voldemort! I sign no autographs! Fear me! Kids: Hehe! Disney must be getting really desperate if they hired this guy.)attacked by an abominable snow monster, and his plan to flip the boat on the Little Mermaid ride had, um.not gone quite so well. Now the lights were dimming and him and his death eaters lined up to watch the parade. All of the floats came by decorated with strands of lights and neon tubes. Voldemort even got to give mickey a high five! Next there was a float with Aladdin characters on top, waving cheerfully to the crowd. Then the three little pigs passed by, and a tall guy with long blonde hair, a crossbow, and pointy ears walked by. A screaming fangirl jumped over the barrier and ran up to him. Legolas: Who the hell are you? Girl: OMG! I'm OrlandoRoKsMYworld! I am your biggest fan! *Jumping up and down and hugging him* Legolas: Oh yeah. You're that author. By the way why am I here? I'm not even owned by Disney. Am I? Girl: .. Legolas: So? Girl:.Well.I have the power to put you anywhere since I am the author so you are here. Now don't ask any more questions or I'll make you run through the parade in nothing but mouse ears. Legolas:.Starts hugging OrlandoRoKsMYworld. *BoTh RuN OfF fRoM lAmE pArAdE* Voldemort giggled then tapped the deatheaters on the shoulders. "Hehe! I finally got Lily and James!" Snape asked, "What did you do!?" "Well, I just used a spell to hehe." MWAHHAHAHAHA!!! I'm EVIL! That's my first cliffie for this story and I will have the answer in the next chapter! By the way, reviews motivate me to update faster. *nudge nudge, wink wink*. Yeah that was a lame attempt at a LOTR crossover sorta *ducks flying objects* please forgive me! Also please check out my other stories! Thank you so much for reading this!!! 


	7. Chapter 7: Voldie's Evillest Plan

As a byproduct of boredom and numerous threats from bella trix, I have finally updated! You guys are awesome! You guys pushed me past the thirty mark! Woohoo! Erm. I mean Mwahahaha! Okay so anywho I'm kinda busy now that school has started so when I get forty reviews ill update. Deal? Btw: I don't own anything that you recognize they are all owned by ______(fill your name in here if you own any). Now please R&R! Chapter 7: Voldie's evilest plan. Mwahahaha!  
  
Lily and James stood by the parade and "oohed" and "ahhed" with the crowd as they watched the explosions of color overhead. "So... how is it?" James asked tentatively. Lily smiled. "It's better than perfect." she said. Then they started kissing beneath a giant explosion of red and gold sparks. Voldemort made a gagging noise from behind a sign that advertised "breakfast with goofy" (He would have to learn more about that deal later. *sigh*) and he mumbled "Mobilusparadeus!" And ran off through the crowd, giggling madly.  
  
Lily and James gasped simultaneously. They were on a bloody float! Just then a little girl with pigtails screamed, "HEY IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! BUT SHE DONTS HAVES A TAIL ANYMORE!", and a little kid with glasses and JKR sewn on her overalls screamed, "Hey! It's Harry Potter! Only where's his scar? And since when does he wear colored contacts?". James yelled, "Who the bloody hell is Harry Potter?" Then Lily elbowed him in the ribs and hissed, "Hey! Watch your mouth James! Their little kids! We can't do that at Disneyworld!" James shrugged and mumbled sarcastically, "Yeah. We can't do that! Mickey might fire us! Oh no!" After that they were both lost for words... So they just waved to the crowd, Lily even conjured up some candy to throw to the little kids. (This by the way is not Voldie's evilest plan cause well, its not that evil).  
  
Voldie and Lucius gave each other high fives in the car on the way to the beach. They gasped as they saw the sandy white shoreline and the clear blue water. "Wow! It's so prettyful! Hehe!", Voldie exclaimed while the others gave him blank looks. When they arrived Lucius jumped out of their turquoise van that they had all decided to name after the mystery mobile and proceeded to shuffle through the sand. "OUCH! AWWW! @$(#$)@#!!! IT $*# BURNS! IT BURNS!!!!" he screamed. Bellatrix jumped out of the van with Narcissa wearing matching emerald bikinis and hissed, "Are you a wizard or not! Here..." as she whipped out her wand. "Ooops... my mistake. Hehe..." she muttered as Lucius tried to break free from the blocks of ice that his feet were now incased in. "C-c-cold..." he shivered. Suddenly Snape showed up with a tent and towels. "Umm... might I ask where you got these?" Bellatrix muttered. "Oh, I just borrowed them from those muggles over there. You see?" She shook her head "no". "See them? Over by the hot dog stand? There the ones buried in sand so you can only see their heads...". Just then Crabbe and Goyle drove the mini bus into the hotdog stand. (Voldie: NOOOO!!!! YOU CAN'T GO TO THE BEACH AND NOT GET HOTDOGS!) Snape. Shook his head and muttered, "Third time this week...".  
  
Meanwhile wormtail was busy getting hermit crabs. "Now I have five! Yes! Who is the best deatheater in deatheater history? O-". One of the hermit crabs decided that it didn't like wormtail's victory dance so it pinched him and was promptly thrown back into the ocean. "Noo! I didn't mean to throw you Bob! *sniff*". (Bob the crab: Yes! Free at last!) Wormtail: Now I'll name you with the big head bill, and you with the stunning good looks wormtail jr., and you with the big claws joe, and ill name the one that keeps running into things...hmmm... how about little gore? Little gore didn't like his name. (Readers: Awww! Poor wittle cwabby!) Little gore is now plotting revenge. Well he would be, but running into those little plastic palm trees hurts... Voldemort sneaked up behind Lily and James on his knees, looking very much like a dwarf, and muttered "Osleeposnoria" Mwahahahahahaha! What did Voldie do and why was it so evil? I need forty reviews for you to find out! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!! By the way I just ran in a cross country meet and got sixth place out of over 300 people! Yay! .^__^. 


	8. Chapter 8: Voldie's Evillest Plan CONTIN...

(A/N) Hello Readers, Fans of HP, and psychopaths. Its true! I am not dead and I have come back from beyond the hell that we call high school to update this story. Yes I do know its been several months *smacks self with something HARD and PAINFUL* but I am currently doing an update style much like "Once upon a freakin' time". This means that:  
  
a.) I will update whenever I have a plot idea that is worth writing  
  
b.) It will annoy the heck out of you  
  
Once again I apologize for this taking so long...  
  
Readers: Damn straight  
  
Okay so anyways I present to you the eighth chapter of VOLDEMORT'S TOP SECRET VERY EVIL PLANS *drumroll please and raise up the velvet curtains*  
  
Chapter Eight: Voldemort's evilest plan continued  
  
Lily sighed. "What a wonderful dream...I was at disneyworld and the beach and...OH MY GOD! JAAMES!" she exclaimed vehlemently. "..No...Don't turn me into a marshmallow professor Trelanway...please...". Lily kicked the sleeping lump, this time with success. "W-WHAT the bloody he-" he exclaimed only to find Lily staring at him with huge eyes but something was different... "L-Lily! Since when did you look like a...a...erm..." he stammered, "Like I've been left in an oven and then thrown in a toaster?" She replied. James was still too shocked to speak, and what the heck was that stinging sensation? "It seems that somehow we fell asleep and got SUNBURNED, since SOMEONE forgot to bring the SUNSCREEN." Lily explained while rummaging through a towel bag. She cautiously pulled out a slender twig and waved it through the air. James screamed.  
  
Voldemort squinted at the large, glowing sun... a perfect round sphere that was large...very very large... *SMACK* Voldemort shrieked as the volleyball was spiked into his face yet again. "I demand that you place me on the other side!" He yelled, only to see Bellatrix glare at him and reply, "No way! We ended up with WORMTAIL *readers flinch and threaten to stab their computer screens in a desperate attempt to not be reminded about that lousy burlap bag full of scum* and well...you even out that problem by being on the other team...." Voldemort hissed. This was definitely not going well.  
  
Lucius was meanwhile trying to fill out the orders that the Deatheaters had given him for lunch. "Okaay...so we have 12 hotdogs, 4 large Dr.Peppers, 4 large DIET Dr. Peppers, Fritos, Dorritos, Cheetos, five bags of popcorn, and one metric ton of PEZ candy... Now do you want me to give you the other orders?" ************************************************************************  
  
The Dark Lord had decided that while an amusing sport, it was simply not EVIL enough, so he plotted to create a different sport, an EVIL sport that could be played EVILLY. *Intelligent readers flame me for such a repetitive sentence* He ran back to the van and carefully pulled out a large FINDING NEMO GYMBAG (Availiable at WalMart and most retail stores for $14. 95)  
  
Dolahov: What the hell are you doing with our foldable chairs and boogie boards?  
  
Voldie: I have come up with THE ULTIMATE EVIL TEST OF DOOM! MWAHAHAHAHAAHA! Wanna try it out?  
  
Dolahov: erm that's okay...*backs away slowly*  
  
EXT BACK TO THE FOOD STAND WITH LUCIUS  
  
"Okay I think I've figured out Crabbe's writing....hmmm I didn't know he could write...Lets see... he either wants a pepperoni piece of pizza or a macaroni lease on Giza...How about you get me both just in case. Now finally for me, I think I'll have pancakes...yes that will be all. Now I expect full service or else I'll have to kill you..." The vendor gulped. He always knew this job would be nothing but trouble.  
  
James screamed again. "Lily WHAT is THIS!" They were both emersed in green gloppy junk that smelled faintly of the addicting scent of sunscreen. "Honey Its Aloe-Vera. It helps with sunburns..." James glowered. "LILY! WHAT IS IN YOUR HAND!?" Lily: "A-a Wand...but I don't see...". James: "WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A WAND?" Lily: "Well DUH magic but...Ohhh. *lightbulb*. Instantly the painful sunburns disappeared and the green herbal junk disappeared. So much for Voldie's Evillest plan.  
  
Okay so that may have been a little disappointing but hey ill post another chapter l8ter I PROMISE! R&R PLEASE! If you've read this far then good job! You get a gold star! 


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